Life finds its purpose and fulfillment in the expansion of happiness.
is this ADD a curse or a blessing?
Supposedly characteristics of ADD speak to the ways of our ancestors; they were always on their toes and able to be ready for anything dangerous perceived outside of what they’re focusing on. In this sense, I believe that I have been very gifted. I am confident in the fact that I am a more aware individual than most, and I notice a lot and pay attention to a lot around me. It serves me well with the right people—who truly listen, know how to be still, and embrace adventure anytime—but most of the time it makes it hard to live in this world. To communicate with the general population is difficult. I mean different things than they assume I mean; we define our worlds differently, in size, in meaning and in words (or in my case, usually a lack of, due to the inability to slow down my thoughts to an understandable pace). My mind races with ideas, jumps into multiple ideas at once often while losing the original idea, and learns quickly in situations where I make fault. Trying to write is difficult now. I used to feel an intense focus-and-flow when I would write in the past, but since the gradual surfacing of this ADD-like state I have struggled quite a lot to find the words and sentences I want to use, simply because my mind is distracted so easily that I often lose the original intention of what I want to write.
Yet at the same time, I find that at my best—when I feel more in tune with the universe’s energy flow and its general pace—the benevolence and creativity I release into the world are unstoppable forces that just pour out of me consistently for some time. I feel the details talking to me once again; everything, literally everything—the street lights, each different tree, each sprout-up of something such as a fire hydrant, or a building, or a stranger seen from far away—speaks out to me the indescribably divine beauty of its existence. And yes, with the “ADD” state I have entered into, when this enlightened state shifts into my view as well, my mind craves to enlighten others of the existence of the magical-coated things I see and appreciate, out loud and very often haha, just like you might imagine a hyperactive child…
It’s funny to think that ADD is something that one is born with. So I think back on my life and realize how blurry a lot of it is, and also how deeply beautiful of a world I found myself immersed in most of the time. I was a very optimistic and dreamy-headed nature child, exploring our large and landscaped back and front yards, behind the row of pine trees before the chainlink fence that separated our lovely backyard from the cranky lady’s that occasionally had opossums in her [thankfully male] gingko tree. I went everywhere and wanted to go further too.
I thank this “disorder” on occasion for making me a seeker. I tend to get bored easily and so it forces me to get out of my comfort zone to seek new and vivid enjoyable experiences and locations (that is, when I have the self-confidence, and the ability to center my chaotic thought patterns into a solid plan of action). On the other hand, school is difficult, work is difficult, and communicating with linear people (excuse my generalization there, but you can’t deny that there are different kinds of people who recognize different depths, right?) is difficult. Basically, unless I have centered myself and channeled the crazy amounts of energy my brain has, I cannot function easily in the real world haha. It has given me a lot of struggle for the past 9 months (time spent attempting to readjust to and to trust my environment) and has caused me to lose hope on multiple occasions, due to the difficulties it presents academically and communicationally, but I am waking up. I am forcing myself to wake up from this hazy reality that results in a wasted existence and in limited perception. I am choosing to wake up and challenge my twitchy thoughts to the concept of Awareness.